5th Column

Painting Satellite's portrait in different colours
My dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you even though I know you must be very busy with campaigning, just to congratulate you on what you have achieved so far during your eventful period of leadership.

That our country is having three general elections within five years alone shows how democratic you are Satellite, so don't bother about those who are now criticising you and calling you a dictator just because you took over all the ministries that are essential to rig an election.

Of course, three general elections within five years also means that nothing else gets done in the country and that we, the people, suffer while the politicians change sides at will and make a fast buck. But then Satellite, isn't that a small price to pay just to remain in power for a few years more? And we have to expect that from you because when we elected you in the first instance we should have known that such attitudes tend to run in the family…

Satellite, please don't be bothered about people calling you all kinds of names for sitting on the same stage and smiling for the cameras with Somay, the man who allegedly endorsed the killing of your husband. We see you as a very forgiving lady, one who could talk with not only your husband's alleged killers but also call for talks with Velu, the man who tried to assassinate you. Why, since you are now doing everything that JR did (and possibly even more), you could even quote the Buddha's words that he was very fond of quoting, "nahi verena verani…"

And thinking of Somay, did it ever strike you that both of you have so much in common: both of you, courageous people that you are, ran away from the country to England when the going got tough here; you returned to be at the right place at the right time and almost overnight become prime minister, and now he has returned apparently to be at the right place at the right time. Does it mean, Satellite, that Somay could be our next PM? And is that why someone conveniently forgot to include Ratnay's name on the National List?

I know many people find it ironical that when you ran away, you were trying to escape not JR, not your dear departed mother, but Somay and his then uncouth disciples themselves. But then, whoever said that in politics there aren't permanent enemies, only permanent interests, was probably thinking of you!

And, Satellite, what really impresses me is your latest move to amend the constitution and become Prime Minister. Something tells me that LK is the brainwave behind this, just as much as FDB was the brainwave behind your mother's attempts to lengthen her term of office. Whoever it was, it is a trick that would have made JR smile in admiration…

So, Satellite, we must wish you the best of luck Satellite, in the rest of your campaign. Not that you will need much of it with the police and the armed forces, the state media and now even the Lotteries Board on your side. Nevertheless, here's wishing you many happy returns…

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- After all your shuffles, re-shuffles and take-overs of ministries, did you ever wonder Satellite, wouldn't it have been easier if you took over all of the ministries? That way, you could hold cabinet meetings while taking a shower by talking to the mirror and what's more, no one will leak the details to the newspapers or accuse you of being late!

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