Mirror Magazine

Mirror Magazine

Aaysha Cader and Marisa de Silva discover that it’s a thin line betwe en harassment and youthful banter
When it’s not funny
As the years go by, you assume that in time, people will evolve, barriers between the sexes will break down and society will change its mentality and perception of what’s acceptable and what’s not. To a great extent these expectations have been fulfilled but what of those behavioural patterns that have remained unchanged? Should they be tolerated or should there be a conscious effort and definite action to put an end to them?

An everyday occurrence
We’re talking about harassment. That’s a word Sri Lankan women are oh, so familiar with. Women, young and old, pretty or plain are harassed both physically and verbally, literally from their doorsteps, at the bus stop, at public places, at their workplace or various institutions of study. Lewd comments, catcalls, whistles are the order of the day. Ever so often, women, in particular are victim to treatment that is uncalled for but which has unfortunately become virtually an accepted norm in our society today.

For instance if a girl is walking on a street trying to get from point A to point B, and she happens to pass a group of boys, she can be almost 100% certain to hear a series of comments either regarding her choice of dress (whether decent or not) or her walk, mannerisms etc. It can be about anything. The question is, do girls have to face all this harassment, even if it’s “only verbal?”

Physical harassment most often takes place in buses, where some men satisfy some sort of perverse inclination, by forcefully pressing onto women and sometimes even children, violating their sense of dignity and self worth. Most women unfortunately have resigned themselves to either ignoring or enduring the various forms of harassment.

Passing comments
Says *Dushanthi (22), “I think it’s very annoying that some guys take it upon themselves to make comments each time you walk on the road. I’m used to it now, but at the beginning it used to be quite intimidating.”

She says that it’s somewhat understandable when the offenders are 15 or 16-year-olds as it can be attributed to immaturity, but what she finds unacceptable is when even so-called ‘respectable’-looking ‘adults’ stoop to that level.

“You can’t really do anything about it, but I guess when you ignore them, more often than not they back off,” says Dushanthi. Asked what if they don’t, she says, “Sometimes, when you do answer their silly questions, they tend to lose interest and stop commenting.”

Says Counsellor Anne Abayasekera, “Boys start getting provocative at a young age, or at least think it’s fun to provoke girls, but they don’t realize that it can have a detrimental effect on a sensitive girl.” She too, attributed this behaviour to a certain ‘thrill’ obtained through seeing a girl flustered in public.

However she believes that the best approach to tackle the problem is by educating people on human relations, beginning from home and school, teaching them, young men in particular, that they should be more people-sensitive. “You can’t muzzle them,” she says, “they’ll do it anyway.” What you can do, says Ms. Abayasekera, is make them aware that this type of behaviour is wrong. “Ask them if they would like to see it happen to their sister.” Or maybe, if the guys themselves would enjoy being laughed at by a group of girls? Whatever the consequences, guys need to realize that they are certainly not impressing a girl or onlookers favourably by doing this sort of thing,” she says.

You have a say
Telling them off is another option, although Ms. Abayasekera says that this does not mean that girls should stoop to the same level and hurl ‘insults’ back. “Sometimes, if you do tell them off, they get such a shock that they apologise and flee.” It takes a lot of courage to turn around and give the guy a piece of your mind, especially if the girl is alone, she concedes.

Shehani (19) a frequent bus-traveller has no reservations about telling people off, especially if the insults turn extremely personal. “Most of the time I ignore the comments because by now I’ve got used it,” she adds.

*Roshani (22) questions why ‘cat calls’ and snide remarks, seemingly made with the intention of having some innocent fun, should be at the expense of women in particular. As for physical harassment there’s no justification to it, she says. This can only be stopped if women themselves speak up, instead of enduring the harassment. Usually this works, she says, and the offenders move off in search of a more passive victim.
This seems to be a pervasive problem in Sri Lankan society. Do we still have to tolerate it? The passive victim mentioned by Roshani should be non-existent. A woman can’t expect others to come to her aid, because most would rather not get involved even if they did notice your plight. So, women have to assert themselves, otherwise, things won’t change.

*Vidarshini (20) says that most often if it were verbal harassment she’d ignore it but, if it were physical, she would always respond, thus putting the perpetrator on the spot.
“It’s the norm” So what is the male view? Why do some men resort to behaviour that makes women so angry?

“I don’t make comments to girls on the road but I don’t think it’s a crime that some guys do it. I mean they’re guys right?” says one young man. A social stereotype at its best some would say but nonetheless deemed ‘ok’ by society.

He also gave his thoughts on the flip side of the coin which was that on many occasions he’d seen a guy or a couple of guys being subject to harassment by a group of girls. “Maybe to a lesser degree” but it does happen. He adds that some girls are actually quite amused rather than upset at being the subject of some teasing and sometimes even encourage boys to keep at it.

Says *Ramesh (26) “I don’t generally tease girls, but I must say that if it’s a case of plain fun, I guess it’s okay. As long as it doesn’t get too insulting.” Yet, the fact remains that more often than not, it is.

Defending the men, *Harith too claims that both sexes are at some point victims of sexual harassment, it’s just that’s it’s more of a big deal if women are at the receiving end because of the physical side of it. The latter issue is definitely one to be dealt with strongly as nobody, woman or man should tolerate that kind of abusive behaviour. owever, verbal abuse has been going on now for so long, it’s almost become a way of life, he says. It’s also very difficult to draw the line between what could be harmless and offensive.

The only way out would be to put a complete end to it, no matter how innocent the intent is. We claim to live in a society which is civilized, yet we still have an issue of sexual harassment of this magnitude rampant in it. Ironic, is it not?

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