POLITICAL SKETCHBOOK

POLITICAL SKETCHBOOK by Rajpal Abeynayaka

This year the British gave us our real Independence
"We were surprised that there was hardly any resistance to our proposal to use biometric finger printing in Sri Lanka for Visa purposes'' says a British official. Before the British could say 'you have a right to remain silent….anything you say now can be used against you in a Court of Law…etc.,'' the Sri Lankans capitulated. Like a kid succumbing to Harry Potter. Like George Bush salivating at the thought of capturing Sadam Hussein.

What's the explanation? Why this eagerness to get our fingerprints on British documents, as if we are newly arrived cricket stars autographing the books shoved at us by screaming six year old fans? Was it recommended by our historians, our anthropologists, our archaeologists? Did the same people who signed the Sinhala Commission report recommend this one? ''Look here, we were a bunch of criminals in our own right. The Mahavansa says Vijeya first came ashore in Sri Lanka because he had been banished with a bunch of outlawed brigands from India. Let us get back to our criminal status right now -- and regain our identity.'' Like regaining Sri Lanka. Or regaining the peace process.

Some unpatriotic Sri Lankans did not want to go down that criminal fingerprinting road. They don't want to be reminded of their glorious criminal past, the Vijayavatharanaya -- that boat ride to Thambapanni from Dambadiva. Ah, wretched unpatriotic scoundrels. The Sinhala Commission might proclaim a Fatwa on them -- only if the Sinhala Commission had Fatwas. But of course the Sinhala Commission has worse things than Fatwas. They have reports. The government has even worse things than Fatwas and reports. They have Commissions.

The government might appoint a Commission to investigate those traitors and scoundrels such as those who wrote Editorials against the British biometric fingerprinting policy. Wretched non- Sinhalathva elements who do not want to go back to their glorious criminal past.

These non Sinhalathva elements just don't get it. Not only is this a trip to reclaim our identity, it is a serendipitous moment. Remember Serendipity, that island on which Vijaya's boat beached some 2500 plus years ago? Well this is a serendipitous moment for that island. Not just to regain its criminal past, but also to do so with full international backing, by no less that the British - the colonial invaders -- who are saying sorry, so sorry for our imposed interlude, we are willing to give you back your criminal past. More than willing.

Await a press release from the Chief's office: "1948 was cosmetic independence. This year, the government has given back Sri Lankans their true independence, a chance to regain their spiffing criminal Mahawansa authenticated past, and what's more, in a crème de la crème of coups we have got the old British colonial invaders to assist in that process by giving us the biometric once-over in machines which we ourselves couldn't possibly afford.''

But the British, though they like to give their past colonies true unadulterated independence -- or like to say they do - - in their hearts of colonial hearts, they always need to hold a little something back. So after those Editorials and all that, they have closed ranks with the traitors. Just like the British, giving all the support for true independence but pulling back when it comes to the crunch. At least by a little bit.

After those traitorous Editorials, the British, taking out advertisements larger than a Union Jack announced that "Bio metric fingerprinting is for any national getting his Visa from Sri Lanka -- not just Sri Lankan nationals.'' Right. Hey you, you Laplander you waited in the queue for so long, come and get your biometric fingerprint.

And you, you guy from Burkina Faso, and you American girl living in Ipanema, you can get biometrized too in a minute. The rest of you 3000 Sri Lankans standing here from 6 o' clock in the morning, your chance to go back to your historical criminal past will come soon, depending on how long our bio-metrician will take with his Strawberry pancakes and his Dambulla Lemon tea with a spot of milk in it….

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