Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital,
near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared
to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write
The pastor lovingly
handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last
bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought
it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in
his jacket pocket.
At the funeral,
as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing
the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said,
"You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word
of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read,
"Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had
to go out to run some errands.
The proud papa
stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother
left, the baby started to cry.The father did everything he could
think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.
dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done
to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the
baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he undid
the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full."Here's
the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"
The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says
it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"
day of school
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his
rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed
to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the
hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.
the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class
for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now,"
he said, "are there any questions?" One girl stood up
timidly. "Please sir," she asked, "May we have our
It's 8:00 AM at a gambling casino. There are two guys waiting at
the dice table for additional competition. A very attractive lady
comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll
of the dice. The other two agree.
She says, "I
hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing
underwear." With that she strips naked from the waist down.
She then rolls the dice while yelling, "Mamma needs a new pair
of pants! YES! I WIN!"
With that she
picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The other two
just stare at each other dumbfounded.
of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers,
"I don't know. I thought you were watching the dice!"