My Dear Santa,
I know it is a little late to write to you now, but still I thought I must, just to make sure that at least next Christmas, you would have the correct presents for the correct people.

I know you would argue that you gave us the greatest present of all this year-peace- and few will dispute that, but there are quite a few other presents that some people need.

For instance Satellite needs an alarm clock that rings non-stop everytime she runs late for an appointment. But then, she already has with her the Constituition to play around with at her whim and fancy, so you argue that she has the greatest gift of all!

As for the Green Man, I think you may be wondering what you should be giving the man who has everything. Of course the gift he would love most would be a few dozen MPs to obtain a two-thirds majority and get rid of Satellite, but that is asking too much from you! So, if you can at least ensure that you deliver the undivided support of Rauf's clan, he would be more than happy.

Gifts for others are much more easier to find. Please find the General and his family an office or some space in police headquarters, so that they can attend to the frequent summons that come their way. Then, for the Professor, please find a dictionary that lists only simple words, so that he look them up before he speaks. That would be much easier than finding dictionaries for all of us to understand what he speaks.

The best gift you could give the Southerner would be to get rid of the many advisors and newspapers surrounding his Party (and that would be a gift for Satellite as well!) otherwise, he would never get to really lead the Solomonge Lamayinge- or Sirimage Lamayinge- Family Pakshaya. As for Wee Wee and the Red Brigade, I don't think they need any more presents because they have already been given one- a deal with the blues that would give them even more power!

Then Santa, there are the others who don't have the gifts that they really want-the Dark Horse still wants to be the cricket boss and I am sure there are others who feel they haven't been made commanders of their respective armed forces. Think about them too! And, if it is not asking the impossible, try to gift a win or two to our cricket team too!

But, Santa, spare a thought also for the general public who thought that they would be able to breathe easier with the end of the war. They would greatly appreciate if you could pay a couple of their bills but the best gift you could give them would be to devise a scheme where you link their pay to the number of ministers we have instead of the cost of living!

Think about these gift ideas, Santa, at least next year and while you are planning your next visit to our country, remember the three cardinal rules: don't sing any song other than "Jingle Bells" (you may get assaulted), don't fall ill (there will be no one to treat you because the doctors are trying to kill each other and the rest of the health sector is on strike) and don't talk of a National Government (you will be accused of pulling out a gun and threatening to kill Satellite!).

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS- And please remember, no more presents for Velu or Bala. The Green Man has given them enough presents already and they should be sufficient for next year as well!

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