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By Rajpal Abeynayaka

Tinker, tailor, soldier - parliamentarian
What has the humble pol-pittha (aaah a coconut by-product) got to do with the votes of G. L. Peris's Ministry of Enterprise Development and Investment promotion? Everything - if you consider the sort of unorthodox batting of Wimal Weerawansa (JVP) who said "Minister's like this can be made even with pol-pitthi''. But the parliamentary lunch is heavy, and Madame Chair Larrin Perera didn't seem to care less whether the Minister was being called a coconut by-product or a coconut pest. This, despite the Professor giving an imploring look in her direction.

Pity the JVP got carried away on this one, with Weerawansa thinking that the government was letting him cream the Profesoor with this coconut-talk. But in fact, the government's MP's were after a heavy parliamentary repast (I will add the obligatory "at taxpayers expense'') and were in no mood, at least for a while, to provide the foil for Weerawansa. (Freudian this, my computer misspelt: 'to provide a fool for Weerawansa.')

What can't be more 'filling', that the following in sequence. A) Lunch in parliament B) speech in English by G. L. Peiris C) speech in Sinhala by Weerawansa ( with words such as 'ubathokotikaya' 'kootoprakaraya' aimed like a thousand T-56, at the Prof.)

Sticks and stones and T-56 may smash your bones, but words can kill. G. L. Peiris actually looked like (premature) rigor mortis had set in somewhere. Or he was playing possum and looking in fact like the pol-pittha he was supposed to be. Suited the people in the Gallery fine, as they had come to watch G. L. Peiris speak, certainly not to hear him.

Pity Earl Goonesekera of Earl's Regency fame who was slotted to speak after Weerawansa, can't buy parliamentary speaking time, like he buys everything else. At least he may think it is a pity - but certainly not anyone within a mile of the Diyawannawa, especially within an hour after Lunch does.

Remember a small collection of Russian dolls where each one conceals another inside ad infinitum? As in tinker, tailor, soldier spy?

Parliament began looking like that on Friday - I mean, academic, revolutionary, tycoon, all given their orders to speak by Madam Chair in sequence - even though Madam Chair had to basically smother some dolls such as the JVP one, to stop them from speaking forever.

If they are going to bring on the heavy artillery -I mean the heavy vocabulary - ( 'kootoprakaraya', and of course do I need to quote Peiris?) the Standing Orders should definitely be amended to say this should not be done at least until one and a quarter hours after lunch.

Standing Orders were unfortunately named, and should be given another name in the Sri Lankan parliament.

After all, not everyone has the mental skills of Peiris and Weerawansa, not in this parliament of academics , revolutionaries, tycoons, toughs? (Oops). So they all think apart from a few, that Standing Orders are for standing - everybody who wants to stand up while somebody else is on his feet mumbles something about "standing orders'' as if his brain has given the instant command "Stand!' What are standing orders if not to stand, eh what, Mr Azwer? Azwer actually did establish a parliamentary record, for himself.

He actually made a point from the standing orders - about Weerawansa calling Peiris an 'instrument of external forces'. Standing orders say that MP's cannot impute improper motives, he said. Madam Chair said she is willing to consider that when it comes to Hansard time - "mang salaka Balannang". Weerawansa had thought she was going to be a doll, and let him continue to call G. L. Peiris an 'instrument.' Never mind how inanimate he may look - even he deserves to be called better than an 'instrument' right?

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