Singular illusion

Short Story - by Aditha Dissanayake

Only Avanthe and I were at the office that week. The other three, Anne, Sampath and Asela had gone on annual leave. I was there because I had already taken all my leave, and Avanthe was there because he had to be there. As the head of our section, he had to hold the fort even though I was sure all of his annual leave would have been intact. He had never gone on leave during the six months I had worked with him.

I did not know much about Avanthe. Neither did any of the others, who had worked with him longer than I. He had a few friends in the purchasing section, where he had worked before being promoted to our department, but with us he was quiet, and kept his own counsel.

From listening to the others, I had learnt that Avanthe had obtained his degree from a University in Delhi, his parents lived in Kegalle, while he lived in a house of his own in Kotte. No one knew where exactly the house was, but because he had all his meals from the canteen, everyone figured out he lived on his own, and everyone wondered why, because he certainly earned enough to keep a dozen servants.

We are the marketing section of a pharmaceutical company, who import drugs for the local market. Next in rank to Avanthe is Anne. I am their secretary. Avanthe gave all his instructions to Anne, who at 53 was the oldest among us. So, during the six months I had worked here, Avanthe had hardly spoken more than a few words to me. Anne, who often reminded me of the Nurse in the movie of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, treated me as if I were her daughter. She was fond of Avanthe, and said he was an enigma. He didn't drink, he didn't smoke and he didn't go out with girls. She said this last with a mysterious twinkle in her eyes.

"You won't get undue attention from Avanthe. They say he is gay." When I had stared at her in amazement, she had said "Haven't you noticed his eyelashes and the long fingers? Haven't you wondered why he has not got married all this time? Isn't it surprising that, with his money, his house, his car, no girl has managed to entice him? He is gay. Take my word for it."

This suited me fine. I had become indifferent towards all eligible young men who crossed my path. After ten years of courtship, when Nalaka had deserted me for his mother who had opposed our marriage, and married a girl she had chosen for him, I had become weary of men. I had left my former office and my friends there in order to forget the past. I had made up my mind, never to trust men again. But being young and single meant getting amorous looks from men who were sometimes young, sometimes old, sometimes married, but most of the time single, in the new office too. I stuck to Anne and avoided my suitors as much as I could. Avanthe, of course was not on the list. If he is gay as Anne said, I need not worry about him, I told myself. From what I had read about men like Avanthe, I believed he would be as uninterested in me as in a potted plant. And I felt the same towards him. I did not see him as a man - a possible danger, with whom I might fall in love again.

On the first day we were alone in the office, I sat at my desk, secretly playing "Diamonds" my favorite computer game, when Avanthe came in. As usual, he walked to his seat, silently, without saying "Good morning" to anyone around him. From the corner of my eyes I watched him reading the letters on his table.The room was forlorn and empty without the other three. As Avanthe seemed to have no work for me, I continued with my game. Just as I was going to score a bonus point, I heard someone say "Kesy" from behind me. I turned half circle, in my chair, and saw Avanthe standing in front of me with a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Can you please type these letters," he asked me. I nodded my head, closed my game and began to work. But as I typed the dozen "Dear Sirs, and thank yous," my mind kept recalling how Avanthe had called me "Kesy".

My name is Keshanthi, but no one had shortened it to "Kesy" ever before. At first I was not sure I liked it, then I decided it was better than being called "Kesha" as some of my other friends did, as Nalaka had done. That was about all we had talked that day. Without Anne, I had had my lunch - packed lovingly every morning by my mother - on my own. And Avanthe had had his "packet" bought by a peon from the canteen. But at five, when I signed off, I had said, "See you Mr. Perera" before I left. Avanthe had looked surprised and said "see you" as if the words were alien to him.

The next day began almost the same as the other. But I found it difficult to stay quiet. The silence in the room which had always been filled with chatter and laughter was unbearable. It was a lovely day, and without thinking I had exclaimed, "Gosh. It's beautiful outside." Avanthe had looked up at the sound of my voice, turned his head to look up at the sky, turned back once more to look at me, and said "yes".

Gradually we began to talk. Perhaps he missed the chatter of Anne and the others too. On Wednesday, he walked in saying he had had to park the car a million miles away and that his legs ached from all the walking. He talked to me about his car, about his favourite singers and about studying for a Ph.D.

Then, when I read in the newspapers of a review of one of my short stories I had rushed to Avanthe, to show it to him, because I had to show someone, and he had been the only one in the vicinity. Avanthe was interested, wanted to read the story, and asked me to bring it to office tomorrow. I said no, the story was too personal, I had shown it to no one close to me, and had hidden the magazine in which it was published in my wardrobe.

"I will be hurt if you don't show it to me," said Avanthe. I stared into his eyes. Remembered what Anne had said and felt safe and secure with him. Avanthe will never be "interested in me", never fall in love with me. I could let down all the barriers I had built against men, with Avanthe.

From then on we became friends. Avanthe listened to my past, but simply smiled when I said I was determined to remain single all my life. He neither spoke on behalf of men, nor berated them. By the end of the week Avanthe was as friendly with me as he was with his friends at the other side of the office. But on Friday, I began to wonder if, on Monday, we would be at square one, once more. With the others coming back to work, Avanthe might slip back into his shell again. At five, it started to rain. So, when Avanthe asked me if he could give me a lift home, I though it would be a fitting farewell to our short friendship.

Seated in the car, before starting the engine, Avanthe turned towards me and asked if I was not afraid to be driven home by a man who was virtually a stranger to me. "No, I am not scared," I replied. "Why?" "You can't do any harm to me." "How can you be so sure. I might be a maniac. I might take you to my house. and Lord knows what I might do to you." "I know you will not do anything to me," I repeated with great confidence. He stared at me through those long eyelashes. There was a smile on his face. He seemed relieved and puzzled at the same time. "I am glad you trust me," he said in a serious tone but he still wanted to know why. "You are different," I tried to explain. "I know you won't do anything to me because you don't like me in "that" kind of way... because Anne said you are gay."

"I am WHAT?" He exclaimed in bewilderment. "Anne said you are gay, so I can trust you. You will not hurt me like other men," I explained in subdued tones. There was silence in the car now. Both of us stared at the huge rain drops falling on the windscreen. I waited for him to agree, to start the engine, to reverse the car out of the car park. But he remained silent for almost a minute. Then he placed a hand on my arm and made me look at him. "I am not gay," he said looking deep into my eyes. "But trust me I won't hurt you."

I decided to let him take me home. But whether I should trust him or not, I let Cupid, the Future, my stars, or whoever plays with our Fates, decide.

Back to Top

Back to Mirror Magazine

Copyright © 2001 Wijeya Newspapers Ltd. All rights reserved.
Webmaster